Pope Looks For New Church Role - World Statesman of the Blindingly Bloody Obvious

In a recent speech made by the Supreme Pontiff to bemused diplomats of 176 countries, the pointy hatted Primate set out a clear vision for the future of mankind as interpreted from his many readings of the Bible. In so doing, Benny the 16th set out the role of the Church for many years to come. That of stating the blindingly obvious.

In the speech he outlined what he felt were key points to secure the future world against an array of things that may have skipped the attention of the world leaders. In his speech he:

	- Appealed for Middle East peace. Because war is recognized as a bad thing to happen by the Catholic Church
	- Decried bloodshed in Asia and Africa. Because bloodshed is also a bad thing to happen
	- welcomed the United Nations recent resolution for a moratorium on the death penalty. Because killing people is, well, a bit of a bad thing really.

It was noted that as these gems of information fell from the lips of the voice of God on earth, many in the audience were seen to be hastily scribbling notes and, in some cases, rapid blackberry texting was observed as the vital messages, as yet unconsidered by anyone else, began to propagate across a world previously devoid of any clue that these things were indeed bad things.

One delegate was seen to be crying as he listened to the Papal insightfulness being delivered. "I am quite simply aghast at the intelligence of the man", espoused the blubbering diplomat. "We have never thought along these lines, it's so new and radical, thank God we have such intelligence wearing colorful frocks and jaunty hats, this is truly a speech from the big man himself. I was atheist but now, well I'm not so sure any more."

The Pope then went on to pass comments on his considered view of the world as a whole which he termed "State of the World Address". This caught the attention of the American delegates who immediately puffed out their chests and made loud references to similar "State of the Nation" speeches made by the US President accompanied by traditional US tribal chants of "woo woo yea baybee, YOOESSAAAY, YOOESSAAAY, YOOESSAAAY!". Once the room had once again settled the Pontiff explained that in his opinion terrorists getting hold of weapons of mass destruction would be a VERY BAD THING and all nations needed to be extra specially careful of not letting the bad people get the big bangs. It was noted that this did not have a positive effect on the US delegates who realized that the Pope was in fact damaging their sales figures for cluster bombs and other such devices for hurtling red hot metal into people to transform them into hamburgers.

Also outlined were the Popes re-enforcement of the Catholic stance against homosexuality. In this instance the Pope made personal mention of the current stone wall campaign highlighting advertising billboards with statements such as

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The Prime Pontiff exclaimed that the church was going to counter such wanton advertising that clearly causes such things as Aids and earthquakes with his own inspired campaign:

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He further delivered a blunt call to politicians to defend the family unit by perhaps burning gays or something.