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NEW powers
of search should be accepted without complaint, a home office
minister has said.
In an off
the cuff remark Hazel Blears stated that innocent Muslims would be
targeted for searches. When asked why she replied;
“We, the
Home Office, have decided that the criteria for searching people
is clearly inadequate and needs revision”
“We have refined
our stop and search criteria so as to include a narrow band of
society we class as a danger to the rest of us. It is a carefully
designed and consists of the following groups of people with key
criteria that we would prefer to fondle on the side of the road;
Muslims”
‘impress
Chicks’
“We understand
that this may seem a little narrow minded but please understand we
invested a gross amount of money making this list and there is a
logic to it. I think it’s something like we feel the threat is
most likely to come from those people associated with an extreme
form of Islam, or those falsely hiding behind Islam, or some that
are sort of hanging around with Islam cuz it’s cool, and maybe
those who are like leaning on Islam to impress chicks. Basically,
this distils, neatly I may add, into Muslim.”
“It means that
some of our counter-terrorism powers will be disproportionately
experienced by the Muslim community. We understand that this idea
may appear reprehensible to a large section of the British population, I would
like to take this moment to assure that section that we have their
names, we know where you live."
“We also
understand that this may seem at the very least Racist, we at New
Labour would like to assure all the people of the UK that if
that’s what they are thinking then they are Xenophobic mind
militants that are committing hate crimes or something equally
puzzling to take your mind off the shite we are trying to
introduce here.”
“Oh and another
fucking thing, we want to test the hell out of the goddamn
religious people coming in. I mean really pissing test em, we give
em 3 days to learn English, at the end of that they get given an
entry form and a confession of terrorist intent and told to sign
one. Home free with a flat and some new furniture or 25 years in
Guatnatamo … Should have paid attention, CONJUGATE CONJUGATE!!.
Fuckers.”
‘Demonising
Community’
When asked why the policy appeared to clearly state that it
was intended to target ‘Innocent Muslims’ the Minister replied
“Of course. Health and safety won’t let us search the
terrorists. We could get hurt. Besides, we feel that there's going
to be a greater success rate detecting the innocent ones
rather than the
other way round. We have league tables too you know.
Besides we at New Labour are well acquainted with the art
of divide and conquer, we’ve been doing it at National level
since we took power. We anticipate that the marginalisation
through fear of a small section of the community should be no
problem at all. We also intend to stock pitchforks, torches, and
good old hangin rope at the Police station nearest to you. “
“Fundamentally
we are demonising an entire community on the off chance that the
rest of the Nation takes matters into their own hands and saves us
all a lot of money.”
Later when
questioned again about freedoms within the country and the fact
the at the moment it seems the Home Office are utterly determined
to lock up the population in fearsome legislation. Day after day
after day a new assault on liberty coming from that office. Ms Blear
responded by shouting “Fuck off Paki lovin Bastard!” at the reporter
and proceeded to nut him whilst singing “There will always be an
England
!”
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